something big

I don't really know where to start

there is quite a sewing circle amongst most of my co-workers. someone gets laid off and the nextel network starts lagging as the rumors fly. I recently instituted a test of the chain of communication by telling various people different bits of information about my recent vacation. A week later when someone I haven't seen in a couple months asks "so you got so drunk you couldn't see straight enough to walk home...." it was a fascinating experiment for me to conduct. I dig science and stupidity, we all know that. formulated the hypothesis, tested it successfully....

I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do about it. It's fairly obvious from the economy, and the time of year and the solar flares and such that i have been in a major shit hole bout of depression lately. i just cant get a break, try as I may....the cards are stacked against me.

stacked against me....

looking at the situations around me there are crews of guys on jobs that are still getting their 40 hours a week like always. I hear a few guys are down to 32 or 24 and complaining to no end, and somewhere down at the bottom of the aquarium is me. happy as hell to work whatever I can...some times its third shift, sometimes its an hour+ drive....sometimes its 2 days a week. I cant go into hoe all this exacerbates the mental and financial problems I am dealing with but cripes man

the best are the guys (whom i intentionally misinformed as to my vacation) who act all bullshit sympathetic about having their hours cut and then you find out that after thinking we were fighting the same fight that they have been getting full weeks all along. I am seemingly an army of one. Really re-establishes the pecking order. my little experiment not only helped to clarify what a desperate loyal worker I am when it comes to doing anything i can to earn a buck, it has also let me know who can stand there and regurgitate a line of bullshit a mile long to my face just to keep me grateful for the bits that i have.

there is nothing out there. one of the other trades workers said don't "let a few rejections get you down" i replied, "i didn't lose hope till about the 18Th one."

patronizing bastard


I do however think I have figured out what I will do this summer
Something big.